After the storm

I have been in what I call a beige moment. Not quite dark and twisty, but not exuberant and colorful either. Just beige. Life should not be lived in neutral. So, I have been hard-pressed to write anything that didn't sound yucky (yea, I'm committing to that word). I woke up yesterday knowing that I needed to accomplish a few things.
 1.) Absolutely, without a doubt, I was volunteering at my kids school at 1pm.  
 2.) Getting on track with the budget and my "homework" for the week and 
 3.) Run for 30 minutes
Now, I was procrastinating on the third task but I knew I needed to do it or I was never gonna get out of this funk. Running for me...it's terrible and wonderful and miserable and empowering all at once. It doesn't come easy, I really have to work at it, but the rewards are worth it. I like who I am when I run. I forget that sometimes. So, 2 hours after I had scheduled myself to run, I finally decided to get up and get going. I got dressed in my usual running clothes for this time of year, although I didn't worry about wearing my favorite sports bra or my usual running underwear and socks, as I knew the journey wouldn't be too far today. I could get by on what I had on. As I looked for one of my running headbands, I didn't find the 13.1 headband I had worn since I completed the half marathon race, instead I came across a band I had worn when I just started running. Wearing the 13.1 headband lately, I've felt like an impostor, I mean I did in fact run the race, but I just feel like that isn't me right now. I've allowed too much time off. Something about that old headband felt good though. It reminded me of where I had started and I knew where I could go if I just made the commitment. I ran yesterday without expectations...I didn't have my ipod (dead battery) with the nike+, so I didn't run with distance and pace, I just ran. My goal was to make it to the bench, I did. I allowed a break and then I ran some more. It was a beautiful morning. The kind of day you can only get after a storm. It was clear, crisp, and colorful. 

That's the wonderful thing about a storm, that no matter how ugly it can get, when it's over and the sun comes out, everything feels new again. The old has been washed away. I realized that I didn't feel beige anymore. It had been washed away. And it wasn't just the act of running that helped, but it was making that choice, realizing that I can choose.
I came across a quote awhile back that made me laugh..."If you wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down." ~ Toni Morrison