I don't believe in Christmas

Not the Christmas of today. I like a lot of the ideas and the good intentions, but so much of that gets lost in the ridiculousness that has become the holiday. I also don't follow the whole Jesus is the reason for the season. Frankly, the 'season' existed well before Jesus, and I don't believe he was born in December anyway. Putting all that aside, what happened to the true good nature of the holiday, why isn't being together with loved ones and sharing a small heartfelt gift enough anymore? Why must we shop and shop and shop till our credit cards say stop. How is that love? How is that Christmas? 

It's even more frustrating that my husband, who has never had to shop for presents or prepare a holiday meal, wonders why I don't share in his excitement for christmas music and decorations. Christmas time is not jolly, it's stress. When I was young, it was also a source of stress, as I came from a broken home of sorts, so the holidays meant shuttling back and forth and the loneliness that came from that. But because of this, I try to make it special for my own children, I desperately want that Norman Rockwell Christmas. This year we have trimmed down on the amount of gifts for the kids, but still I feel like it's too much. 

Or maybe I just need to show them the beauty of giving. Not to us or their friends, but to those that are truly in need. I need to give them the gift of selflessness. Appreciation for how blessed they are and the knowledge of how good it feels to help someone else. Maybe I can renew the spirit of Christmas in me by finally doing and not just wanting to do. Money is tight this year and we are spending what we do have to travel to be with family, so there will not be gifts for the adults in my life. But I vow to take my 'allowance' for the month and put it towards a greater cause.

When my children were born, they were early and had to spend nearly a month in the NICU and Pediatrics. So, we ate a lot of hospital cafeteria food and spent money both there and on rare occasion out of the hospital at a restaurant. I always thought it would be nice to buy restaurant gift cards to give to a family or two living in the hospital like we did. So, this year, with my kids, we will do that. I'm also going to find something that we can donate our time to this year. I encourage my friends and family to do the same. My life is full of so many blessings for which I am ever so grateful...I have everything I truly need and then some.

"If you give, you begin to live, you get the world..." 

~ Dave Matthews Band